Jessica Murby
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Alive for Now: Using Death as a Teacher to Thrive in Life

“This is one of the most insightful and deeply truthful things I've read...”
-Laura Miner, Hospice Liaison, Maui, HI

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Some tips if you’re feeling sad or depressed or in grief...

2/20/2018

1 Comment

 
This past weekend I was sick and I had way too much time to myself, I was reminded of how being in your head can quickly turn into a very scary situation. It felt like a bad trip...

1) MOVE YOUR BODY.
Don’t try to solve your problem in your head. Your head is a scary and dangerous place, I don’t care who you are, too much time in there, and you’re crazy. Even if you just walk outside for 5 minutes, go to a basic exercise class, any movement. But don’t think, don’t even try to force yourself to positively think. 
2) Reach out to somebody to get a reality check.
Sometimes you need a person to remind you of things that you forget when your reality gets distorted and you’re only noticing the negative. (Thank you,Laura Seddon). Avoid reaching out to people that tend to reinforce your fears and insecurities until you're feeling better. 
3) Don’t compare suffering.
It seems to add to suffering when there’s no “real” reason to feel that way. I’ve often heard people who are grieving say that they think their feelings are ridiculous. Emotions don’t seem to care what logic says about them. And also on that note, if they are pushed away, they don’t seem to go anywhere, and they can take over. 
4) Avoid excessive social media.
5) Volunteer. 
When we feel like we aren't serving or contributing in the world, even if we’re “busy” with things that don’t feel purposeful, there can be this nagging sense that there is something we're ignoring, that can get very dark. There is always the option to serve. I think we're meant to in order to thrive as humans and this can also be a way to get a greater perspective on what others are going through. 
6) Know that you have a choice. 
You really do have the power to take small steps even if you are in the extreme of being stuck in bed. I love Mel Robbins’ “54321,” to just simply give yourself 5 seconds to get off your ass by counting to yourself. Those small decisions are actually up to you, even when you can see all the evidence as to how real your depression and anxiety is because it runs in your family, etc., I’m not saying those things aren't real, but that you often do have choice when it feels like you don't. 
7) Hard times are “meant to be" in my opinion.
This can be annoying to hear, but I believe they are meant to be, and that that is why no human has ever managed to avoid them (despite the current focus on happiness and positive thinking). These moments can be catalysts for necessary change. It seems like we often need to get to the point that the suffering is too much to not make a change.
Like what Elisabeth Kubler Ross said in regards to grief...
"...you will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
1 Comment
David
4/5/2018 06:25:33 am

...not sure who wrote this, yet it's worth thinking about..."Let everything about me breathe the calm and peace of the soul".

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    ​Jessica Murby is a Hospice Liaison, Occupational Therapist, lover of life, and acro yogi. She unexpectedly came upon the benefits of using death as teacher through her clinical experience and through navigating illness herself. She is part of a lifelong research study at the National Institutes of Health (N.I.H.). Jessica currently splits her time between her roots in New England and the beautiful island of Maui. She shares her unique work most anywhere she’s invited to through public speaking, writing, and workshops.
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